Changing body and mind.

Am trying my size 36 trousers on, getting ready for church and immediately they obey the laws of gravity. Am lucky this is happening in the confines of my house. So, I tighten my belt; I drill a new hole on it, all in an attempt to hold on to my precious old pair of trousers. To think that I was closing in on size 38 a year and a half ago, and now probably near 33 is phenomenal. Habits create results, even ones not intended for.

Now, many times we purpose to change. Even declare it publicly and create blogs about it, LOL. We declare and start living a sober life. We abhor and strictly keep away from sexual perversion. We decide to do what's noble, just and right. And we succeed for a while. We're happy, and think we're past the old selves, and gradually start associating with old company that controlled our past habits. The power of association cannot be taken lightly. The Holy book states that 'bad company spoils good morals'.In the couple of weeks I have been in my new house there is a line of thought I have associated with; that am too busy with work to maintain the workout routine. Coupled with fast and unhealthy food choices, I could find myself spiralling back to the plus sizes. God forbid.

Now that I have shed off extra baggage I ought to look for new pants that fit. Keeping the old ways/ clothes certainly gives room for negative expansion. New wine will just pour out of old wineskin, and old baggy pants will just make me look awkward. Similarly, the new you cannot coexist with the old friends. Watching and listening to the same stuff will backpeddle the progress. Visiting old social places will revive passions and desires that ought to have been dead and buried . Maintaining the same old eating habits will fast track the onset of health related complications.

He who is in Christ, has become a new creation; the old is gone. And as 2 Pac said, 'lets change the way we eat, change the way we live and let's change the way we treat each other'.

Angry Sales Lady

Ever been in the company of a complainer? Well, today one graced my presence. From first glance she looked nothing but one. Her timid looks and soft speech were disguised in a smoke screen. It simply was hard to tell what was coming. It was like a violent thunderstorm laying low behind a docile cloud.

A loan is what she was offering. Having once been a direct sales person, I could at the very least afford her some of my time. I think she is a natural follower, so I decided to lead the conversation by asking questions. I asked about the interest rates cap; it's effects on the banking sector and the economy in whole. I inquired about the borrowing limits and the silent charges that just pop up on your pay slip. These to me at the moment were genuine questions which could improve my understanding of banking from an insider.

But then she started complaining. Her soft tone became rapid and agitated. Her timid looks disappeared, and voila! I was now facing an activist. According to her, this cap on interest rates was the worst thing to ever happen in the Kenyan banking history. It had a negative effect on borrowing and only benefited the wealthy and government institutions. To some extent I agreed. Then a grimace struck her face when it came to the skyrocketing cost of living. She emphasized that low borrowing had crippled businesses and led to lower spending capacity which in turn raised cost of commodities. She almost shouted when I retorted that the government had the best intentions in lowering the rates and that it was the banks who countered the goodwill by making it difficult for mwananchi to access facilities. It pained her that many of her colleagues had been laid off and were languishing in unemployment. Never at one point did she recall that banks had been making super-normal profits for years.  She decried the bludgeoning deception by politicians year in, year out.

She simply painted a very negative picture about life and to be honest I felt frustrated. I probably agree with most things she advocated for, but was not hoping to have them plastered on my forehead. We live in a very negative world, and sometimes... most of the time, all that we need is something positive. After the ordeal, I wouldn't take a loan from her. Had she painted a good picture, and looked at the flipside; made me feel good about the banks and about life, I would probably consider. Feelings/ emotions are the primary drivers to buying. Media, friends, family, salespeople, politicians, sports all have a negative story to tell. As well as an obscure positive one. Which one will you listen to?

Managing emotions

It is not right to call him a tyrant, but a strict authoritarian sounds just about right. One of my first supervisors was that to me. Here I was with my overblown career expectations and entitlement mentality from 17 (8-4-5) years of wanting to prove a point. My naive mind told me that I deserved a good job with a 6 figure pay. The expectations were to be scaled down with almost a year of tarmac orientation. Now, my supervisor was hard on me. Too hard. It almost felt like personal vendetta. All I got was criticism, to an extent that I developed resentment. Communication lines were broken and the thought to quit was constant. I was only saved by a transfer. I believe he had the best intentions. He wanted me to learn fast, and assume responsibility. Be self reliant. But he forgot one thing, humans are driven by emotions.

On the absolute contrast, my next supervisor brought the best out of me. He started by making clear what was expected of me. He was friendly and approachable. On Fridays drinks were on him. He delegated and never micromanaged. The peculiar part is that I never heard him shout at any of us. He avoided criticizing us even when we blundered. Every Monday morning he held a meeting mainly to encourage the team, and occasionally ask us to pull our socks, but in a friendly way. So what was my response? I never wanted to let him down. I wanted him to be proud of me. I looked forward for the compliment on Monday. I grew, and in no time got promoted. Long after I left his flock, we are still friends.

       I have as well supervised people. You can guess which side of the coin I chose. Public criticism to me only brings temporary adherence but long term disrespect and resentment. Dealing with people is more difficult than handling machines hence in my mind change this is a priority.

Grab that hoe

I have once ventured in farming. My induction was made of fire. The land was fallow, with thickets, trees and so much of weeds. The trees, we logged once. The thickets fell to the machete. Then came the weeds. The land was ploughed thoroughly. Being virgin break in, the job was done exceptionally. How great! You could spot no iota of a 'weedling' in plain sight.

Now, this was just a smokescreen. The weeds were doing pressups preparing for attack. Just 2 weeks into planting weeds were flexing and overpowering the crop. Attempts to spray them away only boiled their venomous ire. We were forced to utilize opportunistic manual labour to at least manage them. I call them opportunistic because of how they hike prices when they know you want and need them. 

Anyway the point is this, weeds will always seek to propagate and only decisive action can contain their impact. Have you randomly spoken with a friend on WhatsApp or entered those group charts and all you are bombarded with is 'how life is impossible. Or you join telegram and your friends send you x-rated links. Sometimes a harmless work related conversation turns into spite, indignation to systems, negative energy and character assassination. 

There is no way to avoid bad seed coming your way. The only remedy is consistent weeding. Weed out bad company, mute negative media, delete destructive links and fill the void with positive vibe. The garden of your mind is very rich and fertile. It grows whatever comes it's way, and weeds kill good seed for sure. So, grab that hoe.

Battle ready

I love action / investigative movies and series. Maybe because my dad was a soldier, or maybe because sometimes I wonder how I'd have faired had I honoured my shortlisting into the cadets academy. Brings out some hidden lion, but now not so much as in my childhood. Those days of Rambo. We did not have electricity at home so the local cinema hall had season tickets of me and some random village boys. In spite of the vernacular commentary, we were not perturbed. You'd hear some random exhale hear and there. It was that tense. After movie hour no dog, thief or imaginary hyena could come close. I particularly was supercharged and highly volatile, full of raw adrenaline.

Right now when I watch 'six' or 'quantico' am not as jumpy, but there is always the rare feeling of bravery when Alex perish saves the day, or when Ice cube saves the day in Tripple X. Am full of admiration of the virtues displayed on the men in arms. A soldier is single minded and loyal to the chain of command, unless of course she is errant or a double agent. Soldiers don't leave the wounded in the battle zone. Teamwork is undoubtedly a core value. A soldier does not abort even while on the line of fire, unless commanded by higher authority. The crown is important, and a soldier will give his life if it means so. Soldiers panic at times, and even act cowardly but soon rediscover the courage and keep marching. Motivation is critical before heading out. It pays to know someone has got your back.

In Deuteronomy 20: 1-4, Almighty God made it clear that Israeli Army would face opposition. They would on occasions find themselves largely outnumbered. He knew they would fret. And that is why He reminded them, that he would be there for them. Ordained priests stood and reminded the people of this promise. This served as a motivation or even a war cry. It paid to know someone invincible had their back. This is our battle year as a nation. We are fighting corruption, inequality, injustice, tribalism, hunger and disease. We need to be strong. Our weapon is a simple ballot. It would be befitting if men of God stood up and reminded the nation that we are chosen and protected. How nice it would be if political leaders tool time to publicly declare their commitment towards a peaceful and fair election.

Personally as I approach my short-term battle, I know there is greater power watching my back. As His word promises, He will be with me always. Let us remember we are on the battlefield. Let us keep moving. Let's have each other's back. And never should we forget that He is with us, till the end.

When not to bloat

Have you ever worked so hard for a deal to go through? Made numerous calls and countless supplication for a positive outcome. Then 24 hours after signing the deal, you feel like patting yourself in the back. Feel like it was bound to happen anyway. A sense of joy turns into pride.

Have you sought a promotion or a specific position at work relentlessly? Prepared for interviews and pushed your networks for information. Then a week after landing the position you feel like you belong. You sit on your laurels and begin doing the bare minimum while passing time on trivial activities.

Have you longed to get that degree so hard that you used 'mwakenyas'? Studied till midnight, and attended every lecture. Kissed every a** you came across that could aid in the goal. Then soon after graduating, you feel entitled to the best job and unbelievable perks. Not willing to start at ground zero.

       All this is ego at play. A recipe for failure. A blindfold to any form of creativity. A hindrance to progress. If not checked, this feeling of self leads to stunted development in career, loss of future business opportunities and failure. The period after attaining a target should be one of meditation, reflection and humility. It should be the time to get down to business and deliver the goods. It should be a time to sacrifice returns and benefits and gain trust. It is not a time to bloat.

What is hope really?

Hope. Maybe we all live for hope. A father goes to work every day, works hard till retirement because he hopes to provide for his family. A mother spanks her young children, then comforts them to sleep, because she hopes that they will be responsible adults. A young man digs his head in books, and ignores calls from peers to hang out , all because he hopes to one day take his family from the shackles of poverty. A young lady keeps her morals, hoping that one day she will meet a loving and caring man to marry.

A hope elevated on a pedestal. Serving as a reference point, as a motivation, as an aspiration. A life juice that keeps the blood of enthusiasm flowing. 

Why then do people commit suicide? Or kill loved ones? Why do young people drown in alcoholism and drug addiction?What makes the young ambitions man a con artist, or a hacker? What makes the straight girl a hooker? The dad a deadbeat? The mom a cougar? What makes the straight path so crooked?

Could it be that hope alone is hopeless in the end? Could it be that hope in a higher power is the only true hope? Could it be that hope without fundamental values is fickle? Is hope really all we live for? But if it's not , then is there a point of waking up tomorrow morning? Why not go on autopilot and worry not about any consequences? Maybe there is a hope to make better tomorrow. Maybe we change back to the straight, honest individuals we started out as. 

Maybe hope is real, and is alive with us every day and every step of the way.